In the 7th grade I had a problem with a bully. This bully was not big and tall - she did not steal my lunch money or give me swirlies. This bully was 5' 2", fake blonde hair, attractive and had a 4.0. This bully was a mean girl; a mean girl that aggressively used the internet, notes and word-of-mouth to maliciously ruin every chance I had for happiness in middle school. I made my mom drive me to and from school because I was afraid to ride the bus. She would sit in the back and make fun of me the whole way there. In middle school I switched out of an elective because this queen bee bullier was in my class and I didn't want to be tormented. I became a "guidance helper" - A.K.A. I sat in the guidance office and delivered notes and files to other offices. I remember one day very vividly. I was walking to my fourth period class from the guidance office. I saw the queen bee from the other end of the hallway. I had learned not to make eye contact, but it was too late. The hall was beginning to clear because the bell was about to ring. I started to walk faster. The bell rang, making me and the queen bee both late and in the middle of the hallway together. I was sweating and I thought my heart was going to explode from my chest as she walked right up to me. She threw her books on the ground, pointed right at my face and said "you told (insert name here) that I was fat...you think you can say that about me and I wouldn't find out"? First of all, I never called this girl fat (even though she totally was. She was actually really large and incharge - but the only person I told that to was my mom. We talked smack about this girl all the time at home.) She yelled at me for a couple minutes longer. You know when you play freeze tag - if you get tagged, you're frozen and you can't move until someone untags you? That's how I felt. Except, I didn't have anyone to untag me. I just stood there in the middle of the hallway, soaking up every mean word she yelled and threw in my face. Finally, my Spanish teacher came out into the hallway and made the queen bee leave. I sat in the hallway with my teacher and cried. A substitute came to cover the class so my teacher could talk to me about what had happened. The queen bee got a couple days of ISS and had to apologize to me. It was the worst apology ever - she said she was sorry and then rolled her eyes.
Fast forward a couple years to high school. High school still sucked because I was still surrounded by the same bullies - we were all just a little bit older and better at manipulating each other. On the way to school one morning the end of my neighborhood was closed. There were fire trucks and ambulances everywhere. I had no idea what happened but immediately prayed that no one was injured or killed. Later that day I found out that the queen bees house caught fire through the night. It started in her bedroom and spread throughout the house. Nobody was hurt, but their house was ruined. I hated this girl - she ruined middle school and my self esteem. But nobody deserved to watch their house burn down. I remember dropping a bag of my clothes off on her doorstep so that she would have something to wear. I would think that if my house burned down, and I was inside to see the fire spread...I would be a lot kinder to people and more gracious to those around me. Nothing about this girl changed however...if anything she was more horrible. High school wasn't all bad because there were football games. One game I remember all too well. I went to grab a soda from the concession stand and ran right into the queen bee, wearing my old clothes, and her pathetic posse of followers. Something about that night was different. She fired off some horrible phrase to me and I fired something smart back. She stopped dead in her tracks. I remember her looking at me wide eyed for what felt like 10 minutes (it was probably 30 seconds). What happened next could have easily qualified for America's Funniest Videos. The path to the concession stand was underneath the bleachers where students and parents sat to watch the game. A soda dropped from the stand right onto the queen bee's head. She was soaked in what looked and smelled like root beer. I remember walking away and laughing hysterically feeling like a champion. What are the odds that a soda dropped at the moment in which I started to stand up for myself?! While I don't think God deliberately placed a clumsy kid in the bleachers right above the path to the concessions, I do think he was with me that night.
The devotion for today is from Exodus 3:1-12. The story is about Moses and the burning bush. I think most people would read this passage and focus on Moses acknowledging the "holy ground" that was before him. However, I read this passage and focused on Moses' reluctance to trust God's word and do what He asked. God asks Moses to go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses explains to God that he isn't capable of this great undertaking - he doesn't have the credentials to make such a controversial move. But God responds by saying "I will be with you; and this shall be the sign for you that it is I who sent you". At this point I switched from my devotional to my Bible to read more about the story. In the next couple verses, Moses panics and asks questions regarding what he should say if the Israelites ask who sent him. God responds by saying "I am who I am". Sometimes I think God is a smart-alike too. I began to think about middle school and how I was never very good at being myself. Heck, I'm still not sure who I am. But as I think back to times I was bullied, there's always been a silver lining in every situation that involved learning a valuable life lesson. God was with me through all the messy friendships and relationships I've endured. God was present in my Spanish teacher that untagged me from my interrogation nightmare. God was present in the queen bees house fire - holding her family tight and protecting them from harm. God was present at the football game where my arch enemy was covered in root beer. God has been with me and will be with me for the rest of my days - through the good and the bad. He asks us to do and endure things we wish we hadn't...but it provides interesting stories to write about in a blog or read further about in the Bible.
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