I promise.

Growing up, we're taught about promises. We learn about promises from stories, our families and friends. As a child you're promised a reward if you're well behaved. As a teenager you make promises with you girlfriends not to tell Johnny that Susie actually likes him a lot. Unless of course, Johnny liked Susie and then you were a bad friend for not breaking that promise. In adult life you start to do something crazy...you start making promises to yourself. You promise yourself that you'll never gain 489365896 pounds or that you'll stop giving your heart to the 'bad boy' and look for someone decent you might marry. We all make promises without considering what these phrases and words really mean to someone else or even ourselves. I never understood the power of a promise until March 11, 2014 when I was hanging over my mom's bedside begging her not to leave me. For whatever reason, I resorted to making all of these promises to her while she opened and closed her eyes slowly fading away.

I made all kinds of promises. I promised I'd finish school. I promised I'd take care of my dad and my siblings. I promised I'd be kinder and give people a chance. I promised I wouldn't give up on love or God. I'm sure I promised many more things in the heat of the moment, but these are the ones I remember saying aloud. She didn't make any comments during my whole "I promise" speech. I thought that maybe if I made her promises, it'd be easier for her to let go and pass on. I thought that maybe if I promised I'd do things, she wouldn't be so scared to leave because I promised I'd carry on. After making all of these seemingly empty promises I just kept saying "I love you" over and over and over again until I was almost yelling at her in the hospital bed. I remember holding her hand and watching her mouth the words "I love you" back at me. It wasn't really until tonight, almost a year later, that I recognized the phrase "I love you" as a promise too. We're taught about love being something very special that illuminates your face and warms your heart. We must use that phrase wisely and tell others often if that's really how we feel about them. We are able to love and make that promise because God has promised to love us.

When I think about my mom and her 9 month battle with cancer, I can't help but think of all the life she had left to live. I can't help but think about all the things we never got to do together or experience in this life. She'll miss my college graduation, my wedding day and one day her grandchildren being born. She physically won't be present for these momentous events, but her promises of love will definitely be there. You see, my mother adored us. All of us. All 6 of us because everyone knows she loved our dog more than any person should love a pet on this planet. I am able and willing to love others because she raised me to be that way. My heart aches often because there's a permanent hole that her presence in my life once filled. But her love surrounds us in ways I'm unable to explain every moment of every day. She insisted that we are all to live a life expressing love and appreciation for others because it's what God has called us to do.

The devotion for today is from Ecclesiastes 5:4-7 and talks about keeping your promises to God. We are able to make any kind of promise we want, but we are required to follow through. Follow through is difficult for many people - or maybe just those of us in our self absorbed twenties. Either way, we should continue to promise and live out the commandments of our Lord. As a child of God and an Ambassador for Christ it's my mission to make sure that every day is Valentine's Day to someone. My boyfriend is deployed and talking to him is near impossible sometimes so I've learned to make the most of every second. I've learned it's not really about the quantity of what you say, but more about quality. Every chance I get I tell him how proud I am, how thankful I am and how much I adore him being a part of my life. I don't think the frequency of which I use the phrase "I love you" makes it any less meaningful. People enjoy being told how you make them feel. I don't think my mom was annoyed when I told her probably thirty times a day how much I loved her. I find myself using the phrase I love you in every day conversations to friends and family. Why should I hoard God's promise for myself? I was designed to share it with the world and so were you.  

Dear God,
Help us to live boldly. Help us to love others - even when we don't want to sometimes. Teach us to make promises to one another that we can keep. Encourage us to keep our promises to you. I love you. Amen.