On March 22, the sanctuary of First Lutheran Church was full of love and light. I was standing in the welcome area of the church with my family, trying to keep my cool so that I could speak when it was time for the family reflections. I was doing really well until I saw a familiar face standing in front of me. It's a face I haven't seen in years. Immediately a warm sensation spread across my body and I began to blush uncontrollably and smile through my eyes. He approached me and extended a hug and hello. He began to laugh because he'd never seen me speechless - I'll admit, it is pretty rare that I have nothing to say. I kept repeating the same phrase over and over to him, "I can't believe you're here...I can't believe you drove all the way from South Carolina for this...I can't believe you're here". After a couple minutes of awkward staring and blushing and repeating myself he hugged me again and said something I'll never forget. He hugged me tightly and said "where else would I be?!" Maybe there are people out there who consciously think about their footprint or impact on others. I haven't been one of those people until recently. This particular person and I got off on the wrong foot while working at Lutheridge, a summer camp located in Arden, North Carolina. If there's anything he's taught me, it's that people can and will surprise you when you least expect it. Over the years we've grown to become great friends - covering all types of topics via email, texting, snapchatting and skype. More importantly, he's taught me about the gift of friendship and the ways in which love conquers all. I often find myself thinking "why am I willing to do so much more for others than they're willing to do for me?" Well, you don't just wake up at 2 am to drive from South Carolina to Virginia for anyone. He's taught me that maybe there are people out there that value friendship the way I do. Maybe there are people out there that are willing to sacrifice everything, including their time, for someone else because there's nowhere else they'd rather be.
I am constantly "checked on" by so many these days. I love the "thinking of you" texts and voicemails I receive every day. It fills my heart with joy to know that people are still keeping us in their thoughts and prayers and continuing to reach out. I'll never be able to thank people enough for their kindness throughout this tragedy - but I've grown to be a better person because of this kindness. I find myself letting other cars merge into my lane, letting people cross in front of me on a crosswalk, apologize sooner, give gifts for no reason and tell people I love them more frequently. I also find myself wishing I could hug everyone that's kind. I was talking with a friend tonight and wanted nothing more than to come through the phone and hug her as hard as I could. I love when someone just gets it. When they just understand how important something is or what it means to you and you don't have to rehash everything or explain with every single detail. My mom was that way - she didn't need the details to understand that I was happy or upset. She didn't need to know who was involved - she just understood that sometimes all you need is someone on your side, regardless of whether you're right or wrong. Constantly having my mom in my corner is something I miss more and more every single day - she's in my corner from Heaven, but it's hard on Earth without her verbal support. Tonight I had that feeling. Tonight I felt like someone was on my team. Have you ever met someone and just known they were good? Like they put off a good vibe that made you feel safe or comfortable? I've got a friend that I don't know very well - I don't know if she had braces or if she's ever broken a bone. But I do know that I could show up on her doorstep and be greeted with a big smile and open arms. And that's where love comes in. Love is a friendship based on understanding the situation without knowing the details. Love is the silence that follows a surprise visitor. Love is the driving force behind all of my actions and thoughts - I am constantly thinking how I can love others better. Unfortunately, I'm often forgetting to love myself.
God calls us to love one another as we would love ourselves. I've found that it's much easier to love other people than to love myself though. I think I'm a good person and I strive to be better every single day. I love myself, but not as much as I should. I can think of about 50,000 flaws and imperfections that I'd rather not single out in a blog but I'm completely aware that they're there. Today I received an email from two of my favorite people on the whole entire planet. While reading this message I had a warm sensation spread across my body and a goofy smile on my face. Part of the message read, "The only advice we offer is what we've learned from chronically ill people, to get up and make yourself beautiful every day (with you that is just a little touching up) and it will help you cope". I read this part and giggled a little to myself - but they're absolutely right. I remember back to my junior year of high school when I got dumped by the first boy I seriously dated. I remember sitting in my driveway and hysterically crying because my "heart was broken". My mom put me in the car and took me shopping. I wore new clothes to school every single day that week. I didn't wear them to catch his attention or to win him back - I wore them because I needed a pick-me-up. My mom bought me 5 new outfits because she understood the importance of picking yourself back up and putting your best foot forward, even when your heart is hurting and you don't see the point. I've put more effort into my appearance and attitude over the last couple days because I've noticed that I feel better when I try to feel better. I feel better when I allow myself to love. I feel better when I understand that I am loved. The unfortunate part about any tragic loss is that life goes on, whether that person is there or not. I've been desperate to find any type of constant in my life and I think I've finally found it - the constant is love.
The passage I've chosen for tonight comes from 1 Peter 4:8-10. The passage reads, "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace". We all have gifts whether it is cooking an incredible meal, being blessed with an athletic ability or listening to a friend in desperate need of consoling. All gifts are pleasing to God. We are to use our gifts to honor Him and better the lives of our neighbor. Love covers a multitude of sins. To me, this means that even through all of my imperfections and flaws, God loves me more and more every single day. God's always in my corner, supporting me from Heaven and giving me Earthly angels to support me in ways my mom no longer can. It feels good to reach out to others and love unconditionally. Just like "Frozen" teaches us, Love is an open door and we're crazy if we don't venture out and explore the life that God gave us. I've found that life is more enjoyable when we follow our hearts, trust each other and do more for those we care about regardless of whether they'll return the favor. Love is for giving - give it to yourself, give it to God and give it to the world.
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