Anniversary

A couple weeks ago we had vacation bible school at my church. As usual, I teamed up with my best girl to take on the 4 and 5 year old class. Last year we had 4 kids that were precious, sweet and obedient. This year we had 11 kids that were independent and wild. It’s one of the most rewarding weeks of my summer because I am able to help foster and witness the Holy Spirit moving through these little people. I learned a couple years ago that it’s impossible to teach 4 and 5 year olds specific stories in the bible and expect them to want to understand. This week of VBS was important for laying the foundation for their future in faith; instilling the gospel in each and every one of my 11 kids. Every day we honed in on two important concepts, Jesus loves you more than you know and He has called you by name. Each day we would attempt to throw in a bible verse for memorization purposes, but I was satisfied with reiterating the most important aspect of religion (in my opinion), God’s unconditional and never ceasing love. I know our kids had a great week because we played with a beach ball in the classroom, made playdoh pizzas, finger painted paper and everything else they could put their little hands on at FLC (Sorry maintenance) and ate sugary snacks all day long. It’s much harder to tell whether they grasped any of the gospel. On the last day of VBS a little boy approached me and said he had a question. He looked around to see if any of the other kids were listening before he gave me his question. He then moved very close to my face and said “I love you”. Remember in the Grinch when he feels love and his heart grows so big it bursts out of the box on the TV screen? That’s sorta how I felt. My heart was full. I smiled to this little boy and said “I love you too”. Immediately he smiled and responded “I love you more”. I know at least one child heard God’s good news that week.

That week of VBS really does a lot of good for our youth in the congregation. We expect to receive love from our friends, family, peers, etc. but we often forget to share it. God’s love is free, abundant, unconditional and never ceasing. It’s truly amazing. God’s love is pure, much like love from a child or a puppy. You could wrong a puppy over and over again and it would still run to you with love in its eyes every time you call. Children are the same way (to some extent). Working with children that week is an excellent form of birth control, but it’s also an eye-opening awakening of how important it is to give love. I’m convinced that little boy loved Maddie and I because we showed him love. We showed God’s love.  The best kind there is.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my mom’s seizure and diagnosis. It was a rough day to say the least. I was overwhelmed by God’s great love demonstrated by friends and family that texted, called and brought baked goods to show that my mom had not been forgotten. August 11, 2013 was a day that changed my life forever. I had no idea the impact my mother had on so many until her illness became public. Our home phone rang off the hook, the mailman delivered letters in bags only designated for Santa and our fridge was always full. If you’ve seen the movie Frozen, it’s about two sisters who stick together after the loss of their parents. One of my favorite lines comes from Elsa when she finally comes to her senses, “love will thaw”. Love doesn’t fix everything that’s happened. Love doesn’t make my mom come back from Heaven. But love makes life on Earth bearable without her physically here.  I’ve been blessed by my church congregation, my sorority sisters and family members that show an abundance of love in hopes that it thaws the frozen parts of my heart.

A couple days ago I decided it would be a good idea to go through old text messages from my mom and find ones I wanted to save for a rainy day. It turned out to be a really horrible idea with me having several episodes of hysteria in disbelief that she's really gone forever. I can't think about it too long without becoming anxious and overwhelmingly upset. The first message I read ended with "love you". The second one did too. And the third. Turned out at the end of every texting conversation we ever had she said "love you" or "xoxox". My mom was a love expert. I'm convinced that she was sent by God to give love to the world. When I think back a year ago to August 12, my mom was hooked up to a million monitors and people were driving and flying from all ends of the Earth to visit her and help my family in some capacity. My church congregation had divied up responsibilities - someone picked up our dog from the kennel, someone organized meals to be delivered when we got home, someone mowed our lawn, someone cleaned our house, etc. There wasn't one moment since August 11, 2013 where I haven't felt God's love. I've been angry at God since then, but there's no denying He loves me. If He didn't love me, He wouldn't have given us so many witnesses of His good works. This time last year our pastor, who was on vacation at the time, and two of my mom's best friends made the trek to Roanoke, VA to be with us in our time of tragedy and crisis before her fate was known. I remember sitting down to dinner that night to a meal provided by a friend of the family that I've never met. I remember eating a piece of bread. I remember being sick to my stomach and having mascara permanently stuck to my cheeks. But more importantly, I can remember the atmosphere of the room - I remember it being really warm, everyone holding hands and praying. I remember everyone sobbing through the prayer. I remember saying Amen and watching everyone hug one another in no hurry of starting the meal. The love on "Mauney Island" as we nicknamed it, was so thick it almost formed an invincible bubble around the house. God was present that day, just as he's been every day of my life.

The hardest adjustment has been not hearing my mom's voice and not being able to hug her anytime I want. Again, can't dwell on that point otherwise I'll be a watery mess. But I know her love continues to surround my family - she's the glue that keeps us all together. My family has done a great job of making this year about us. We've experienced so many concerts, road trips, weddings, reunions and beach days together. You'd think we're sick of each other, but we're just getting started. You can either use tragedies to tear you apart or pull you closer together. I'm so thankful for the support system that is my immediate and extended family. God's love is present in each and every one of my clan whether they're 2 or 96. I expect that over time the pain won't be as intense and I won't cry over everything, but until then God's gonna love me through it. And there's nothing more I need.

We've completed our first year of being cancerstrong. It's been quite a roller coaster of emotions, and I am so thankful for everyone that's been on this crazy ride with us. We appreciate everything everyone has done for us and hope to return the favor whenever and however we can. Thanks be to God.