Bonjour

This night one year ago was very different. It was a big night - my last night on USA soil for two weeks. May 25 I was headed to Paris, France to explore my love for fashion and design. I was traveling to a foreign country with 11 other women I didn't know very well. We had a loose itinerary and "free days" to plan activities for ourselves. We weren't going to have working cell phones and were given paper maps of the city to use. So, as you can imagine, at this point last year I was beyond panicked. I'm not sure why but whenever you're about to have a life altering event happen, people like to tell you everything that could potentially go wrong - or about bad experiences they've had. If I had a penny for every time someone said, "hope you don't get taken"...I'd have enough money to buy the city of Paris. All jokes aside, that was a legitimate concern and I was at a disadvantage because my dad wasn't Liam Neeson and he wouldn't be able to stop bad guys and save me. I was rooming with a girl that my teacher swore I would adore. Thankfully, she was right. Lauren and I quickly became Mary-Kate and Ashley on our two week excursion to France. I'll never forget when we landed - I've never been more terrified and excited in my whole life. We all filed off the plane and immediately declared that it was the best day of our lives. We spoke too soon. We had to take like 37 different means of transportation to get to our sleeping accommodations (it was more like 3 but felt like 37 because we were carrying our luggage with us the entire time). I should have paid more attention in our pre-trip meetings because I was thinking we would be staying in a hotel. Apparently, the word my teacher used was "hostel" and apparently I should have googled the word before I flew thousands of miles from my house. Lauren and I walked into our "room", shut the door and sat on the edge of our dingy beds thinking "what have we done". That first night I remember laying in my bed holding back tears because it was colder in France than I had thought (so I had packed all the wrong things), I was pretty sure there were bugs, dirt and possibly illegal substances in every nook and cranny of our closet-sized room and I knew I was stuck here for 10 more days. My parents had bought me a pre-paid international phone so I could text them while I was gone - the intent was so that I could send pictures or alert them if I had in fact been taken and transported into a human trafficking circle. I remember texting my mom and saying "I want to come home". She immediately called me and reassured me that everything would be fine. Well, it's been a year and I survived the two weeks in France - she was right yet again.

After that first night of culture and hostile hygiene shock I fell in love with the city of love. We went to all the Haute Couture shops and vintage boutiques in the city; but my favorite part was being a tourist and observing the styles on the street. Among many things, we visited the Lock Bridge, Notre Dome, The Louvre, and had an excursion to Reims for a day of Champagne tasting. We spent an afternoon in Luxembourg Gardens and an evening on top of the Eiffel Tower. At the time, these sights and precious moments of vulnerability were shared with 11 strangers. Over the course of those two weeks, I became very close with a few of these strangers and thankfully, these strangers have become some of my best friends. When you travel and problem-solve with random people in a foreign country, you learn you can get through just about anything with them in life; that definitely has been the case. I've had so many wonderful memories to reminisce over the past year from looking through photographs or re-reading journal entries I had written while we were in France. But my favorite memory of all has never been written down nor is there a picture of it happening.

This is a memory that has been ingrained in my head since the day we returned home and for that I am grateful. The day we were to fly home from France our flight was cancelled. At 2:30 am (USA time) I called home crying because "I was never coming home". My parents began looking into flights online and our 'mama bear' of the group was kindly harassing the flight desk demanding that we return home today. Somehow we managed to get home only 4 hours after we had originally planned - God is so good. Because we were a late flight, the gate at the end of the terminal was down at Norfolk International Airport. We were walking towards the gate and could see our families standing on the other side. I remember being so tired and emotionally drained from flying all day. I remember just being thankful to be on the ground for good. As I got closer to the gate I could see someone jumping up and down, calling out to security and rattling the gate. Low and behold the crazy woman was my mother. She was calling out to security officials telling them to lift the gate so we could come through the terminal. She was reaching out to me through the metal bars like I was a convict in a prison cell. I remember laughing out of embarrassment and thinking "what is wrong with you - I'm right in front of you - You can see that I'm okay". When the gate finally went up, my mom hugged me tighter and longer than she ever has before. I really don't think she's ever hugged me tighter than she did in that moment. And in that moment my eyes began to fill with tears because I was "home". She was "home".

My mom always encouraged me to follow my dreams and challenge my fears head on. I can confidently say that I never would have gone to France without her encouragement and persistence. That trip was the last gift she gave me. I brought back a painting of the Eiffel Tower, done by a street artist in the city. The picture now hangs in our kitchen - it almost looks like it was painted for that location. I remember giving it to her and her sighing. She was so relieved that I was alive and had a great time. It turns out she was more worried, anxious and scared than I was - but she never let it show because she knew it would be a good experience for me. As most can imagine, this weekend is hard for my family because a year ago we were celebrating my trip to France. And many many many years ago, my parents were celebrating their wedding day. May 25 is my parent's wedding anniversary. How do you celebrate when the love of your life is gone? I kinda wish tomorrow would never come - but it's inevitable. I'm thankful my dad has the three of us to keep him company. Today he visited me at work and surprised me with a cross ring - it symbolizes my mom's promise to him. In a strange kind of way it's a promise to us too. When they said "I do" many moons ago, they promised to love and support each other. They promised to do the best they could. They promised to compromise. They promised to do good works. I'd like to think that my brother, sister and I are part of the good works she's left behind. She's still very much a part of our lives - not an hour goes by where I don't think about her and her wonderful legacy.

The bible passage from my devotion for today is pretty cool, it's from Isaiah 40:25-31. I've picked out a couple of my favorite sections to share, "Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing. How can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the Earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength, They will soar high on wings like eagles." I believe that my mom is soaring. I believe that the Lord has a master plan. I don't agree with his plans - but I can respect that they're there. If I really think about my life, I can pull out moments where my mom unknowingly prepared me for her fight with cancer. I can pinpoint moments from the past and freak myself out thinking "woah, it's like she knew something would happen". God created all the stars and though they seem boring and tiny way up in the sky, they're pretty phenomenal works of art. My mom has a front row seat for every meteor shower and her view gets better every day. Thankfully, God never grows tired of our problems and He never falls short in helping us solve them. God's like the Paris metro - He stops for no one. He doesn't care if you've got overweight baggage or if you're wearing 4 inch wedges. He continues on re-routing and calculating alternate plans for you to prosper and find happiness. It may not be the happiness you thought you wanted or deserved, but I can guarantee it'll be the happiness you need. This year I've learned about love and loss. I've learned about strength and weakness. I've learned about hope and faith. I've learned those two are one in the same. I've found the new strength that's been promised by our Lord. I continue believing, not because it's easy, but because I desire to be better - to be more Christ-like and Christ-centered. I'm gonna let God handle the worrying and Liam Neeson action films. I'm gonna rely on my faith, family and friends to get me through the rest.