Open your eyes

Sometimes I think I'm blind. Sometimes I completely miss the beauty that is right in front of me, whether it be an act of kindness from a stranger or my own reflection in the mirror...sometimes I just don't see good works being done in this world. I have two physical classes this semester and an independent study. All of these classes are general requirements and totally brutal to sit through and endure. I sit near the back of the room in my technology and society class. The class was pretty empty today - so empty that I could see full profiles of almost everyone in the room. In general required classes there is usually a conglomerate of people: older moms, young moms, gym junkies, sorority girls and thugs. This technology and society class is no different. But today I witnessed something that broke my heart. There's this super obnoxious boy that is literally as tall as those huge redwoods in California (I know, it's amazing he can fit in the room). He is blonde, has glasses and wears his pants waaaaay too high up on his body. He always has a nice shirt tucked into his pants and a snarky comment about everything. He definitely gets a lot of attention for always having an answer or an opinion...but hey, everyone has their own way of learning and participating. He arrived late to class this morning and walked all the way around the room and the professor to take his seat right in front. I watched him sit down and begin to unpack his things when all of a sudden my eyes became fixated on someone else. There were two grown women sitting beside and behind him making fun of his late entry to class. I watched them pretend to tuck their shirts in, act flustered and push their nonexistent glasses up so that they rested on the bridge of their noses. I sat there in shock thinking "there's no way that just happened". For the next hour I watched these women make facial expressions, gestures and laugh hysterically about the things this boy said and did. I sat helpless and heartbroken on the opposite side of the room. When class let out this boy and I were the two last ones to leave. He immediately got out his phone and called his mother. While hearing him say "hey mom, guess what I got on my paper" tugged at my heart and forced me to choke back tears, I found it comforting that someone else appreciated their mom the same way I always appreciated mine.

Yesterday I got home late from working all day. I was tired, hungry and just wanted to snuggle up on the couch and watch the Olympics. I got home and went to feed the dog only to realize I had nothing to feed her. I put myself back in the car and drove to the grocery store. I've never seen so many senior citizens in my whole entire life. They were all at the Kroger on Providence Road. Usually, I don't have a problem with older people...I think they're cute, sweet and insanely wise, but I was so done serving and pleasing other people...I just wanted to be at home in sweat pants vegging out on the couch like other people my age. I went straight to the dog food aisle, grabbed a bag and headed for the check out lanes. I think my jaw actually dropped when I saw how long the checkout lanes were and of course the self service lane was down. I had no choice but to wait in line because my dog couldn't just starve. I was in line behind the slowest woman on the face of the planet. She put four apples on the conveyer belt one at a time - at this point some choice words were swirling around my head. I began to chuckle to myself saying "is this really happening?!". But then the woman attempted to put her jug of milk on the conveyer belt and missed...milk went everywhere and it's not like she could pick it up. Someone had to bring her milk and clean up the mess before we could all proceed through the line. After finally purchasing my dog food, I began to speed walk to my car. While walking, I noticed that the old lady in front of me was wandering around the parking lot like a lost puppy. Even though I was not her biggest fan I walked over to her instead of my car and asked if she needed help. She told me what her car looked like and of course she ended up parking right next to me. I helped her put the two "heavy" bags of groceries in her trunk and watched her start the engine and drive off. I'm 130% sure she should not be driving or doing her grocery shopping by herself, but I understand the importance of wanting your own independence.

The devotion for today is from 2 Kings 6:15-22. Dangers and crises can distract our attention so much that we no longer see God in our lives. In bad times, when everything is going wrong, we must pray "Lord, open my eyes so I may see". I think a lot of the time we're seeing and choosing not to acknowledge what we see. I know I make snide comments about others to myself or my close friends, I mock people behind their back and I have opinions that I probably shouldn't share aloud. But at least I have the audacity to do it behind closed doors or to a specific friend group. I shouldn't do it at all - it's completely wrong to pick on other people and make fun of them but for some reason it's human nature. I'll tell you what you though, watching these grown women mock this highly intelligent and immaturely dressed man made me want to reevaluate everything I've ever done or said. It makes me sick to know that someone looks up to those women. It also makes me sick that others probably witnessed them mock that boy and thought nothing of it - they probably thought, "that's life". I see things all the time that I pretend not to see so that I don't have to deal with them - so that I don't have to invest any other part of my life somewhere else. I helped that woman to her car because I felt guilty about cursing her name the entire time she loaded apples onto the conveyer belt. I didn't help her because it was the right thing to do. After I helped her and she thanked me I felt good about what I had done. It shouldn't take that. We should want to help each other, even if it takes you 45 minutes to buy an $11 bag of dog food.

Growing up my mom would sing this annoying song every single morning to wake my sister and I up for school. The song went like this "It's a happy day and I thank God for the weather. It's a happy day and I'm living it for my Lord. It's a happy day and things are gonna get better, living each day by the promises of God's word". Lately that song has been stuck in my head - playing on repeat constantly. I hated the song because it was catchy, repetitive and nobody wants to be sung to at 6:45 in the morning. I don't hate it much anymore - it makes me really nostalgic and proud to have such a positive and incredible mom. She made sure that every morning we woke up to God. We woke up knowing that God had provided another day for us. He had opened our eyes and given us the opportunity to see another day. I hate to ever admit this, but I was not the best person before my mom's cancer. It took this cancer to really open my eyes. This isn't my own little world with other people living in it - this world is a huge place filled with other people that have opinions, feelings and needs that are just as important as my own. It took this horrible disease to see the good that's out in the world. It took this cancer taking my best friend from me, to understand that life can never be taken for granted. It took this blog to see that other people feel pain and heartache in the same types of ways and that the power of pray can never be underestimated. I pray for many things: mercy, forgiveness, strength, courage, love, acceptance and more time. But most of the time when I don't know what to pray for, I sit in silence and let my heart speak to God. I think my heart calls to Him and says "Lord, open my eyes so I may see".

Lord, open our eyes so that we can see how wrong we treat each other. Help us to understand our betrayals and heartaches. Open our eyes so that we see what we're capable of. Help us to understand we can do so much more for each other. Encourage us to practice what you preach. Amen.