Stupid Girl

I read a book yesterday. A whole entire book in one day. I hate reading - public school ruined me from reading for pleasure. I had to read a bunch of "classics" that are impossible to get through and understand. My mom loved to read and I never understood why. She would sit on the couch and read for hours. You'd have an entire conversation with the woman only for her to look up from her book and say "I'm sorry, did you say something?" I finally understand what it feels like to not be able to put a book down. I read "How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World". Most of you probably think, because of it's title, that it is an extension of People Magazine...but it's totally not. I'll admit, the lingo is hip and the references are super hilariously modern, but the message is true for women of all ages. Let me share the lessons I've learned from 212 pages of text. First and foremost, there is something called "stupid girl syndrome". I witness it all the time and it's amplified because I'm in a sorority. I'll be the first to defend sororities and explain that my organization is different from the rest, but as a whole we are completely and entirely too dependent on social media outlets. These outlets contribute to the "stupid girl". The book goes on to address these medias and explains that we work ourselves up into a frenzy over things that ultimately don't matter and are out of our control. I know I spend hours obsessing over someone's photo-shopped profile picture wondering why I don't compare. I spend hours wondering how "he" could date "her". I spend hours flipping through old conversations with boys I thought were totally into me...only to discover that they were interested in what I appeared to be. Being a "stupid girl" isn't complicated at all. We let our emotions get the best of us and make decisions without thinking.

Another lesson in the book is to let guys be guys. Guys want something/someone to chase. If we chase them - what are they supposed to do? If you meet a decent guy (if they exist) and you exchange numbers...don't text him first or call him. Let him call you because if he's really interested, he will. If he does call, don't immediately Facebook friend request him. It all goes back to that movie "He's Just Not That Into You". For years I've responded immediately, counted days between a call, arranged my social media so that it would be appealing to the opposite sex and obsessed over every last word of a conversation and what it actually meant. After reading this book, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I finally understand what the author is talking about and what my friends and mother have told me for years. If a guy wants you to be a part of his life, he will make you a priority. If he wants to talk to you, he will find a way. You should never have to prove yourself to a guy because he should know how great you really are. I understand this is the 21st century and women should be able to open doors for themselves and call a guy first. But the point remains that by instantly friend requesting, sending multiple texts at a time and hanging on every word just makes us women look desperate. Personally, I'm not about looking desperate. So I plan to stop recycling boys I've previously dated and just be myself.

I think it's really cool and really sad that this book has so drastically changed my perspective of life. I feel more confident because I actually have nothing to lose. If someone doesn't like me, I should move on because there's someone else out there who actually will. The book also addresses a topic that's really challenging for me. The book talks about letting go of people that hold you back/people you don't actually like. I have a really hard time saying "no" to people because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Growing up I didn't have many friends and so I feel bad every time I'm asked to do something by someone I don't really like. The book explains that there is someone out there who will enjoy their company and to let them be free. That doesn't mean you should go up to them and say "our friendship has expired". It just means that you decline their offer and casually distance yourself. There are so many people in my life that just don't need to be a part of it. There are so many people that I find myself tip-toeing around because I'm afraid they'll ask me to do something or talk to me about personal stuff when I don't really care about them. That sounds bad, but everyone reading this knows what I mean. There's always that person who thinks you're closer with them than you actually are - it's super annoying and uncomfortable. So let me drop some knowledge on you: put yourself first. The people who put effort into a friendship or relationship won't let you go. You'll very quickly realize who your close friends are and those are really the only people you should want around.

Ultimately, the book just explains how important it is to be yourself. This is something I've struggled with for years and I largely blame boys and media. I was bullied by girls growing up but I don't think that's really what blew my confidence. I watch shows like the Bachelorette on TV and assume that I'm supposed to look, think and dress that way. I've tried dressing and looking and acting like an idiot around people I'm desperate to impress and I have nothing to show for it. I'm 5'2". I have dirty blonde hair and freckles on my cheeks and nose. I love duck dynasty and almost everything on the taco bell menu. I'll be the first one in the stands of any sporting event rain or shine. I actually really love my university. And I own yoga pants and workout clothes that have never seen the inside of a gym. I need to embrace that girl because that girl is who I am. For so many years I've hid behind what I thought were flaws - the things that make me different - and it's time I own up to who I am and kick all the negativity to the curb. I encourage you to kick the negativity in your lives to the curb as well. Finally, once the negativity is gone...you can let in the things and people that ultimately matter.

Since my mom's cancer I've opened back up to my relationship with God and the church. It's been a love/hate relationship for quite some time. I don't understand why things happen and I'm not happy about losing my mother. But putting God in the corner is not going to help me at this point in my life, or ever. By kicking all the negative people and situations out of my life, I have more time for prayers and thanksgivings to be made to God. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have more time for than my maker. You can be the you you've always wanted to be - you just need to reject the things that make you crazy and adopt the things that make you better. Start today!